I had the courage to see a psychiatrist today. Surprisingly I had a good day with minimal intrusive thoughts. Prior to going to the appointment I didn't think that I was going to die in the car or that my knee would dislocate on my way there. I felt "normal". I saw the psychiatrist and she was the sweetest person to go to. Very understanding but also biased. I went there knowing that I have anxiety and would want to be medicated for it. But once I started to tell her all of my symptoms, she said ok you're not just anxious you're also obsessive. For some reason it never occurred to me that I have OCD. But now it all makes sense. Every time I speak to someone I end it with you're so stupid awkward. Or every time I go out I think that I will get hit by a car or that the train will crash or that there will be a robbery. If it is not repetitive harmful thoughts it's sexual thoughts about when I'm going to enjoy sex or who will be the next lucky man that I will enjoy. Day in and day out. So when I'm at work I am stupid when I'm on my way home I'm going to get hit by a car and when I'm home and it's late I'm horny. With that all being said I have been prescribed an SSRI for my OCD and I am betting that it will work. Unfortunately it will cost $55 a month but if it is worth it then I am willing my mental health comes first. I will document weekly about my experience being on an SSRI and I am pleasantly hopeful.
