I have self diagnosed myself with social anxiety, ADHD (without the Hyperactivity) and body dysmorphia. I even battled depression for years but I can say that one of the worse disorders that I have is being a people pleaser. Yup I said it. So if you are one to say yes when you don't mean it keep on reading!
What are People Pleasers?
A people pleaser is as the name implies- a person that goes out of his or her way to impress others, or to make them happy. When it comes to me I was all for giving my all to another person. For example I use to help people with their school work. If you read my About Me post then you know that I did not have the best GPA. I got mostly B's and C's. But if someone asked me to write a paper for them, I would not rest until the paper is perfection. I give others my complete all but would not require the same amount of sacrifice for myself. When it came to me, it was ok to me mediocre, but when it came to others I had to give it my all.
Non-Confrontational
Now if I disagreed with something someone said I would think twice before saying it. Why? Because I don't like to argue and I don't like having bad energy around me. So it is easier for me to be quiet and calm myself down than to confront something.
The truth of People pleasers
Is that they- or Should I say we. Are LIARS.
You: Hey Free, do you think I eat too much?
People Pleaser: (thinking: you had one too many donuts)
No everyone loves food you good
You: Hey Free, are you happy in this relationship?
People Pleaser: (thinking: when can I get out of this relationship? This man is broke, has no aspirations, and has a vienna sausage penis)
Of course baby why would you think otherwise
Do you see where I'm going with this?
You people pleasers are liars. You lie to make people feel good. You lie to avoid uncomfortable feelings. You lie and lie some more
But Why do you do it!!
It's because you are scared. Your self esteem is tied to what others think about you so if someone says you're dumb. You start calling the phone number for the short bus. If someone says you're broke. You start signing up for food stamps. Now in order to feel good about your self it is very important for you to make sure that everyone around you likes you. When they like you then you like you. Your self esteem is tied to their words.
You can see how this personality would be perfect for those who prey on the weak. There are people who have no problem using and abusing others. This does not only mean physical abuse but it means emotional abuse as well.
I was the kind of girl who would stay in a relationship just to hear the words I love you. A man can trash my house break the windows to my car. Treat me like dirt but if he said that he loves me. Nothing else mattered. Our (people pleasers) love language is words of affirmation. If you can get someone to say nice things to you, you are now on cloud 10.
But one thing is for sure:
If you don't have an agenda for your life someone else would have one for you. And I guarantee you that it would not be in your best interest because everyone wants to better their own life. If they can find a way to better their life through you they will! They will steal your time and sanity if you let them
.
So what do you do to stop being a people pleaser?
I don't know sheesh I can't have all the answers. Can someone help a sister out?
-Free
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ"
-Galatians 1:10
