How I Failed In My First Years Of Single Parenting

Boy oh Boy is it hard being a parent. Yet alone a SINGLE parent. As my child exits toddler and preschool age I realize that I made parenting HARDER than it had to be. I don't want you to jump over the same hurdle so PLEASE learn from my mistakes.

THE BIGGEST ONE:

Feeling prolonged shame for being a single parent.

Clock strikes 12 you look down and there is a screaming newborn. I am by no means advocating for people spitefully becoming single parents. I do believe that children come into the world with an advantage if they have two loving parents. BUT if that is not the case, bringing a child into the world is nothing to be ashamed of. If you are doing your best at raising them then hats off to you. I do know that shame can have detrimental effects on you and your baby!

What did my shame look like?

There was not a day that I was not trying to suck in my stomach to hide being pregnant. I barely took pictures of my stomach. I hated thinking that I was pregnant and during my first trimester I referred to my fetus as a stomach virus. Hey I'm being real. When the baby came out I would keep it in my room and not take him out for days. It took me years to get comfortable calling him my son. I was SO ASHAMED of being a single mother. I did not want to push a stroller. I was disgusted at myself

I must admit it is something that I did not even realize that I was feeling. I had no idea that I was carrying this load of shame. I felt(actually feel) like my feelings were an isolated event because every other single parent that I met was so proud to be a mother!

It's not the load that breaks you down it's the way that you carry it- lena horne

What my shame looks like to my child?

I can see the effects that my shame has on my child. Today he struggles to be confident. Which is something we are working on. When he was younger I use to anxiously laugh whenever he would ask or do something. Now he whispers if he wants to talk and is apprehensive about speaking in front of groups (a group to him is anyone more than one person). It is disheartening because what I was ashamed of has now become my purpose but I can't erase what I felt in my early years of parenting

2-I created a HUGE competitor.

Now fun competition is great. Especially for a 5 year old. But everything that I did with my child turned into an Olympics match. If he would say mom can we go running I would say yes and I'm going to time you to make sure that you are running faster every day.

3- I spent too much time feeling sorry for myself and wanting to go back in time

It is what it is. You're a single parent now. Life will never be the same. Pick up your cross and carry it. You can't go back in time. In the end I did not take care of me and my mental status. There was even a time that (long story tell me if I should post)

4 I wasn't very understanding/Patient

For some reason I did not see my toddler as a toddler but as a man in the making. Which can be a good thing but I couldn't understand that babies are impulsive and that they will fight and scream and are temporarily crazy. They are suppose to be! It is so important to be patient and loving in spite of the mess especially since you have less sleep than the typical mother/father. You just have to work harder. It is what it is.

I can't be the only one with parental regrets! Now tell me: What are some ways you failed at being a single parent?

#Parenting