It's 11pm. I'm sleeping on a twin size mattress in my Parents' house. My body is half on the bed and half off.I am not alone. I have a little body that puts half of his body on mine while I am asleep. Morning after morning I wake up with aches and pains in my back. Yes. You guessed it. I'm a parent. Unfortunately I was the kind of person that would look down on young parents. I always used to think that I was better than those who was parenting at a young age. Boy does God have a way of humbling people. Fast forward and I'm on the same boat. Well I'm actually below deck 4. If you've ever been on a cruise ship you know that the "first" floor starts at 4. Below the 4th floor is where the staff stay. Where it's crammed. Where you don't get any windows to see signs of hope. Not only am I a parent I'm a single parent. The sleepless nights. The expense. The hopelessness. But wait! It gets worse. When sh!t hits the fan
Here is how to not commit murder when raising a child alone.
Step 1: Pour as much love into you as you can.
The chances of you having a well adjusted child if you are constantly beating yourself up is SLIM! Whenever you get on a plane, the flight attendants always say that if there were to have turbulence and you are traveling with a child you must put the mask on your face FIRST. There is no way you can help someone when you are drowning yourself. Meditate, Exercise, Read. I find that I feel the happiest and most successful at parenting when I am taken care of. Of course I'm not saying to neglect the needs of your child but if you are constantly cranky guess who's going to have a cranky baby? YOU!
Step 2: Kick Booty
I firmly believe that people who have been smacked down and experience hard times have a unique advantage. They know how it feels to be uncomfortable and if they are aware they would do everything they can to never feel comfortable. Use your child as your why. That child thinks that you are the all knowing all magnificent so show it! There are tons of resources out there to help single parents. Whether its for living, finding childcare, scholarships for school. It's out there. Although America has its downfalls this is the land of resources and opportunities if you want it bad enough. I challenge you to read a book a month and then increase that number and not experience a change in your life. But! You have to be intentional. Study the type of person that you want to be. Go back to school. If not there are tons of free courses online. Get as many skills as you can.
Step 3: Raise a King or Queen
Once you love yourself and are kicking booty in whatever you do your jobs is to raise a King or Queen. Pour those resources that you have into him/her.
Step 4: Write a letter to the person/situation that got you into this mess
Maybe you never had a stable household. Maybe you never got to see your parents. Maybe you believed the lies that the deadbeat parent told you about him/her being there. You have to get it out. You will not always get an I'm sorry so tell them. Tell poverty. Tell the teachers that continuously told you that you were bad. Most importantly tell the younger you that you're sorry. That you deserve better. That if you knew better you would do better.
Resources:
https://www.spaoa.org/
